Celebrity, Why Have Thou Foresaken Us?

I am 100% positive that you are all aware that we are in an economic downturn.  (Economic death spiral, really, but I am trying to keep it light and positive.)  There are endless articles and news stories about lost jobs, home foreclosures and the erratic stock market.  There is another type of downturn going on out there, though, and I have not seen any news stories about it.  I am talking about the deficit of good celebrity news.

Scanning the web, here is what I can find:

• Sasha Baron Cohen crashed the set of Medium.
• Jessica Simpson says that sister Ashlee is ready for her baby.
• John and Jen (Mayer and Aniston, of course) had a date night.
• Nicole Kidman wants more children.

My response?

• Don't care.
• Of course she's ready; she's eight+ months pregnant.  Duh.
• Don't care.
• No kidding--and don't care.

This is pathetic.  This is the best that they have got?  I don't know about you, but during difficult times, I want celebrities to be more crazy not less.  

Is no one going into rehab?  Is no one getting divorced?  Britney seems to be stable.  Madonna and A-Rod are nowhere to be found.  Even the Girls Next Door have been quiet since the news of Kendra's impending nuptials.   [See my 11/07/08 post Someone is Going to Have to Explain This to Me if you want more information about that last one.]  

Don't get me wrong.  I am glad that everyone is doing well.  The mess that has been Britney Spears life for the past two years has been truly sad to witness (you know, via Us Weekly and Access Hollywood, the same way the rest of you celebrity voyeurs "witnessed it").  It is a shame that Madonna's marriage is ending, especially since there are two children involved.  I am happy--nay thrilled--to see that Paris Hilton is no where to be seen in the entertainment pages.

Still . . . nothing?  Nothing at all?  I think that some of the advice that the money guys are doling out on TV could apply here.  Just as now is a great time to scoop up stocks at a low price (assuming that you know which ones to buy), now is the perfect time for a lesser-know B-lister or C-lister to take the headlines.  

So, come on, CW TV "stars" and former American Idols!  Now could be your time!  Grab the spotlight!  Do something crazy--and for heaven's sake, get my mind off of the economy.