The Year that Was . . . What?

As 2008 comes to an end, I was thinking about doing a "Top 8 of 08" entry.  You know, a take off on Barbara Walter's "Ten Most Fascinating People" show and all of those other year-end lists.  Funny thing is, I seem to have developed a bit of 08 amnesia.  When I started to think about who would make my list, I could only think of things that have largely happened in the last three months or so.

What is that about?  Well, for one thing, I spent so much time traveling (that is time spent traveling not time traveling like Back to the Future--you know, just to be clear) for work that whole months do seem to be a bit of a blur.  I can put together a chronology of airports more easily than a run down of cultural events of the year.

Should I go back and research?  If I have to do that, were the people all that impactful?  Should I have been taking notes all along?  Maybe I will do that for 2009.  How to proceed?

Well, let's be honest, I don't think that anyone is really sitting on pins and needles waiting to read who I am going pronounce the most interesting of the year.  No need to pressure myself.  That said, I give you my "Top 8 of 08--As Best As I Can Remember It".

1)  I am not going to go from eight to one to try to build up the suspense.  Besides, my top of the top is the same person who is on everyone else's list--Barak Obama.  I decided to not get political in my blog, but this isn't really about politics.  This is about social change.  I don't need to go through all of the reasons.  You have seen them a hundred times in every other list including Time's Most Fascinating Person of the Year.  In so many ways, Obama took 08.

2)  So, I just said that I am not going to get all political, and I am not.  However, just as Obama was culturally significant, so was Hillary Clinton.  She was a contender, and she is going to be the most influential woman in the US.  It makes me happy beyond words to know that my friends daughters have a smart, successful role model in H-Rod.  If Obama is the man, Hillary is surely the woman.  [Full disclosure, I am a total Clinton Democrat.  I heart Bill, and I love me some H-Rod.  I will, by and large, keep it out of the blog, though.]

3) Now to pseudo-politics: Tina Fey.  Yes, she is on every one's list this year, as well she should be.  Let's be clear, though, I have loved Tina Fey long before her Sarah Palin imitation.  I have seen many celebrities in NY, but she was the only one who, when I saw her on a street corner on the Upper West Side two or three years ago, that I actually wanted to talk to.  (I didn't.  What do you say?  "I think that you are super cool"?  Uh, OK.  "And you are . . . ?")  I loved Tina Fey pre-30 Rock (though I heart 30 Rock).  I loved Tina Fey in the Weekend Update and "Mom Jeans" skit years.  To paraphrase a quote in the New Yorker, Tina Fey is the sex symbol for all men whose lips do not move when they read.  Score one for the smart women.  (Two, really.  See above re: H-Rod.)

4) Britney Spears.  I am not proud of it, but I am constantly fascinated by Britney Spears.  This year she deserves it, though.  To start a year with two forced psychiatric hospitalizations and end it with three MTV awards and a hit album is pretty damn amazing.  Yes, Womanizer is a highly repetitive and annoying song.  Still, it is the choice ring-tone for numberless tweens and college students.  I don't want the little girls in my family and my friends families to want to grow up to be Britney Spears, but I do give her credit for turning things around.  The events of 2007 were truly sad, and I hope that the about face that has started for her this year continues.

5) I know that if I were to say that I am including a male movie star who passed away on this list, many people would assume that I am talking about Heath Ledger.  I am not, though.  I am talking about Paul Newman.  While he was a great actor, the example he set of how to not just be good but to do good is inspiring.  Who knew that salad dressing would lead to change in so many children's lives?  That is a legacy that will live long after his movies are forgotten.

6) Now, a nod to the world of sports.  Joe Paterno has been the head coach at Penn State for the past hundred years or so.  He is a man who has largely worked without a contract, and is one of the lower paid coaches in college football.  Still, at age 82 and having had to coach most of the season from the press booth due to a hip injury, Joe Pa still took his team to the Rose Bowl this year.  He has been unpopular at times for not allowing some talented athletes to play because they were not making the grade in their classes.  Joe Paterno doesn't care about the money and doesn't care about the critics.  He cares about his players and he cares about the game that he plays with so much integrity.

7) In the category of "Not a Person but a Thing"--the IPhone.  I know that the first IPhone didn't come out in 2008, but I got my IPhone this year.  Proof that, yet again, Apple leads the pack.  That is influence.

8) Finally, it is always popular to put a "regular person" on these kinds of lists.  I actually am putting a whole lot of regular people in this spot.  The American People make my list because this was quite a year.  We have weathered (and are continuing to weather) financial storms, have made a sea change in the American political landscape by coming out in droves to vote in Barak Obama, saw scandal (Blagovjevich and Maddoff) and tragedy (Caylee Anthony and the Santa killings in CA being just two of the many) and still kept of ticking.  This has been a tough year, and we have another one coming up.  We voted for hope and change, though, and that means that we stand a chance.  Kudos to us.

Now, let me just mention the people who I refuse to put on this list: Tom Cruise (He made a movie and admitted that he behaved like a loon.  Big deal.); Sarah Palin (The female Bush.  A woman who can't speak intelligently and shoots wildlife from a helicopter is no one's role model.); the pregnant man (We all know how it works.  It is a matter of plumbing.); Eliot Spitzer (You broke my heart Eliot.  Such a huge lack of integrity is shameful.); Oprah (On principle.)

Me vs. the Tree: The Final Intallment (Subtitle--This Time it isn't Even My Tree)

I don't like to brag or anything, but I am now convinced that I have super powers. Not only have I been able to completely suck all of the electricity out of my own tree, I have managed to start impacting one of my father's Christmas trees.

While my Dad often faces Christmas light challenges with the outdoor lights (which has led us to just always refer to them as "those damn icicle lights"), he generally does not have problems with the indoor lights. That is until I came along.

We had the tree on yesterday, and it was doing just fine. We were headed out to dinner, so I went into the living room to turn off the tree--only to find that the top half of it was not lit. Sigh. A sense of familiarity washed over me. Really? Again? Ug.

I will not do a moment by moment account, but getting the tree re-lit involved a search through the tree for the set that went bad, the addition of an extension cord, a trip to Walmart (the Evil Empire) for more lights, removal of select ornaments, reconnection of sets that already worked and the addition of a new set to a fully decorated tree with a fully decorated village below it (and I am talking a major metropoliatan area of a village at that) ending in the re-addition of the previously removed ornaments.

I have a friend who always has issues with phones, and I joke that it is because she has some electromagnetic force that causes reception issues. No joke, I now think that I have some kind of electromagnetic force that is messing with the Christmas lights. Really, why can't I have the power to become invisible or walk through walls instead.

Still, the tree is relit, and we are hoping for the best. Now I just have to help my dad to work on those damn icicle lights that went out on the front of the house.

Further Technical Difficulties (Subtitle: Me vs. the Tree Part Deux--This Time it is Personal)

It is six days until Christmas, and my tree has turned against me.  Perhaps last week when I had issues with the lights on my tree, the tree heard me when I told it that I hated it.  Apparently the tree did hear me, and it does hold a grudge.  

At approximately 1PM this afternoon my tree went completely dark.  All of the lights.  Dark.  Sigh.  I looked at the tree, I looked at the cat (who had a very nervous expression on her face and a plan to run into the bathroom again in her mind) and I surrendered.  I unplugged the tree and gave up.

I am heading out tomorrow for a few days to spend the holiday with my family.  Why the tree couldn't stay lit for another ten hours or so, I don't know.  I feel like this was the trees way of flipping me off.

My plan at this point is to enjoy the holiday with my family including the two--Count 'em!  Two!--illuminated trees.  When I return I will undeck the tree, throw away all of the lights and possibly burn the tree in the laundry room.

Ho, ho, ho.

Allow Me to be Cynical for a Moment

OK.  I know what you are thinking.  For just a moment?  Really?  I hear you.  Let's just move on.

I was sitting in a restaurant for lunch today.  The tables were quite tight, so I was thisclose to the two people sitting at the table next to me.  Our close proximity combined with the fact that I was dining alone made it particularly easy for me to hear my neighbor's conversation.  Mind you, I wasn't trying to listen.  Really, I would have preferred not to hear their discussion because it was like one long therapy session.

I think that therapy is generally a good thing, but there comes a time when some people get a little too steeped in analysis and start speaking in therapy talk.  These two people--Bob and Fran, just to give them some names--kept saying things like "and how did that make you feel". As an example: Fran was talking to Bob about a time in the past year when she apparently did not follow through on some commitment she made to him, and he had called her on it.

Fran: You know, it was right of you to tell me that I was neglecting my responsibility to you, and I appreciated it.  I thank you for giving me the gift of your candor.

Bob: You're welcome.

Fran: I am serious.  I am trying to be more conscious of my actions.  There are some relationships, you know, where friends don't follow through all of the time, and within the comfortable boundaries of those friendships, that is OK.  You let me know that it was not within your comfort boundaries, though.  You honored yourself and our friendship in doing that.  I am grateful.  How does that make you feel?

Bob: Well, I am glad.  I feel that it is important to set the right boundaries and honor them.

OMG.  Every facet of their conversation was like that.  It was exhausting.  I couldn't wait for them to get their check.  I am all for being conscious and honoring our feelings and setting boundaries and all of that, but not every second of the day!  I also think that there is a time to sit down with a friend, order a good dessert and gossip about Tomkat.  That is the gift that I consciously give to me and my friends; it is both comfortable and within our established boundaries.

While we are on the subject of things that I find annoying--and why not?--am I the only one who thinks it is irritating the Scarlett Johansen keeps popping up in more and more movies?  I liked her before she became all 40's-style blond and ubiquitious.  I feel like she is in everything lately, and she always seems to be playing the wise-beyond-her-years or searching-for-enlightenment blond bombshell.  (See The Black Dahlia, Vicky Christina Barcelona and the upcoming He's Just Not That Into You, to name a few, if you don't believe me.)

Speaking of things that keep popping up, what is the deal with Jessica Simpson's breasts?  Am I the only one who noticed--not that I was specifically looking for this, either, mind you--that this woman does not seem to own a crew neck?  I have seen her in a number of magazines lately in both posed and "candid" photos.  It is all cleavage.  There are breasts everywhere.  My thought is that her breasts are her "bright and shiny objects" to distract the person interviewing her from how--um--let me be sensitive and feminist here--intellectually-challenged she is.  I know people say the you have to be smart to play dumb and that the whole Chicken of the Sea incident of a few years ago was all a joke.  Yeah.  I don't think so.

Finally, (my final "moment" if you will--for this blog post, at least) what is up with all of these pirate incidents lately?  There is a news story on CNN.com today about 30 sailors being rescued from pirates.  Is this a delayed post-Pirates of the Caribbean thing?  Have pirates actually been around and we have just not been hearing about them up until the past few months?  It all seems rather suspect to me.  I think that Disney is behind it.

OK.  I am done.  For now.

Christmas is a Time . . . to Feel Threatened

Throughout the holiday season, how many times have you witnessed this scene?: A parent and child are in store.  The child is arguing with the parent for some reason.  (The child wants candy, is bored, is tired, etc.)  The parent says, "Look Tommy, if you don't start behaving, Santa is not going to leave anything for you under the tree."  The child pretty much immediately stops arguing.

I see this all the time, and it always freaks me out a little bit.  First of all, no, I am not a parent.  I am not speaking from my own child-rearing experience, and I do not assume that it is easy to raise or discipline children.  Secondly, I never even believed in Santa Claus.  My parents tried to sell the whole Santa thing to me--to the point of even having a neighbor dress up as Santa and visit the house when I was kid--but I just never bought into the whole St. Nick thing.  Even though I love Christmas and start getting excited for the holiday months in advance, I was a kind of rational kid.  That particular fairy tale never worked for me.

Still, I do understand how powerful Santa is for some kids.  Every Christmas while I was growing up, before we went to my grandmother's for Christmas lunch, my mother would say to me, "Don't you dare tell your cousin that there is no Santa."  My cousin was a true-believer.  I swear this went on until she was 15.  That was fine by me.  I wasn't out to debunk the myth for other kids.  I just didn't believe myself.

That is why I find it so upsetting when I see parents telling their kids if they do not behave, Santa will pass them by.  Parents help to build Santa up to mythical proportions for their kids.  They read stories and sing songs and even willingly take their children to sit on the lap of a complete stranger dressed in red and white.  Santa is supposed to be the embodiment of jolliness and generosity.

Apparently he is also the embodiment of an omniscient and judgemental force with the power to giveth and the power to taketh away.  When a parent says, "If you don't clean your room/stop hitting your sister/come here right this minute, Santa will not leave you any presents", what he or she is really saying is, "If you don't do what I tell you, the figure whom I have encouraged you to invest with all of your hopes and dreams will turn on you like a rabid dog and leave you a lump of coal rather than that Bratz doll/mechanized dinosaur/IPod that you asked him for when I dropped you on his lap at the mall last week.  He will judge you, and you, my little friend, will come up wanting."  I don't remember Bing Crosby or Burl Ives singing about anything like that.

I know that parents don't think that this is what they are doing.  I know that these are perfectly good care-givers who would never dream of saying something to their kids like "If you don't clean your room, I will not love you any more."  Still, can we take the threat out of Christmas?  I mean, what do people say to their kids in March when they are misbehaving?  Santa definitely doesn't have as much power at that time of year.  Why not, at this time of year, just let Santa use his powers for good and not evil?

The Big "O"

With that title, of course I am talking about Oprah.   Before I continue, let me get those of you who do not already know up to speed with my feelings about Ms. Winfrey.  In a word, I am ambivalent.  I think that it is wonderful to see a woman realize such phenomenal success.  At the same time, I could do with a little less Oprah proselytizing.  I really don't need to hear any more about how she makes only the wisest financial decisions, treats people in only the best way and has reached her own personal spiritual pinnacle.  Enough already.  Oprah is just a little too self-actualized for me.

Or is she?  There is a crack in the "best life" (I think that Oprah has copyrighted that term at this point) that she has built for herself.  I don't know if you have read the news, but Oprah--has put on weight.

Dramatic pause.

Quizzical look.

Confused pause.

Um, maybe I am speaking out of turn here, but so what?  In the past five days I have seen news stories in print, on-line and on TV.  The day that this story "broke", I literally heard about it on the five o'clock news!  I live in NY city.  Believe me; we are not hurting for news stories here.  Oprah is so disappointed in herself.  Oprah doesn't know how she let this happen.  Oprah can't believe that she is talking about this again.

Well, guess what Oprah?  That makes two of us.  I can't understand why she is talking about this again either, particularly in this way.  This woman who is a multi-media mogul, who is worth hundreds of millions of dollars, who can affect the marketplace in a way that few public figures can do, is whining that she put on 40 pounds.  You and the rest of America, Oprah.

I understand that this is probably a personal struggle for her.  I understand that this likely has deep emotional roots for her.  I think that Oprah's sense of proportion is entirely out of whack, though--and I don't just mean in choosing her portion sizes at dinner.

It is disgraceful that a woman with so much success, who truly is a role model for so many women--and young women in particular--is sending the message that, despite all of her accomplishments, she is a failure because she put on weight.  Failure is her word, by the way.

Apparently Oprah will be giving us all the real story during her "Best Life Week" starting Jan. 05.  This is a woman who has more access to resources--trainers, facilities, nutritionists, doctors, dietitians, coaches--than pretty much 99% of the rest of America, and she is devoting on-air time to telling us all how she feels about her struggle with weight.  Maybe I am wrong, but I think that Americans with their own struggles--be they weight, family, jobs, etc.--may be lacking in sympathy.

Of course, I probably am wrong for at least a portion of America.  The Cult of Oprah is strong.  It is just a shame that she is choosing to use her influence in this way.

Technical Difficulty (Subtitle: Me vs. the Tree)

A week ago today I engaged in the time-honored tradition of bringing a live tree into my home and adorning it with lights, garland and ornaments.  Though I live in a studio apartment, I still purchased a six foot balsam.  (I go for tall and narrow--like a super model.  It works.)  It is a lovely tree, and nothing beats the fresh pine scent.

An additional time-honored tradition, for my family at least, is to use copious amount of lights.  I used 1,000 lights on my tree.  I fully expect a call from NASA soon letting me know how nice my tree looks from space.  In illuminating my tree, I take the time to individually wrap each branch in lights just as my dad does with the tree at home.  To paraphrase a quote from Christmas Vacation, I learned everything I know about indoor illumination from my father.  Once the lights were on, I added the star garland and ornaments and spent my weekend basking in the glow of my lovely tree.

Then Monday came.

Monday afternoon I was sitting at the table next to the tree working on my computer when I noticed that the bottom half of the tree was no longer illuminated.  What the heck?!  It didn't make sense.  Even if one light--or even one string of lights--was out, that shouldn't impact the rest of the lights.  What was going on?

I should say now that my family has a history of issues with Christmas lights.  When I was a kid, Christmas lights were horrible.  If one light went out, the whole stand went out.  My father would routinely choose the coldest, snowiest, windiest day to put up the outdoor lights.  He would bring out the boxes of lights and start working on them in the family room.  If a strand was out, he would check the strand, light by light, until he got the whole thing working again.  Then he would head out into the blustery tundra to illuminate the house.  Within ten minutes he would be back inside covered in snow with a strand that was no longer working.  Sometimes he would get lucky and he wouldn't have to remove the entire strand to fix it.  More often than not, though, he would spend the entire weekend putting up lights, taking them down, fixing them, putting them up again--and so on and so on and so on. 

My father does not often curse, but my mother and I were both aware that the weekend of the lights would be rated PG-13 due to language as my father wrestled with strand after frustrating strand.  Once the lights were all up and illuminated, my father would then come home every night after work to triage which ever strand went out since the previous evening.  If a day went by when he did not have to fix the lights, it truly was considered a Christmas miracle.

This is what I was thinking about when I saw half of the lights on my tree go dark.  I inspected the stands, and after a bit of fidgeting about, they came on again.  Not one to tempt fate or question good luck, I backed slowly away from the tree and went about my business . . .

. . . until later that evening when the lights went out again.  That is when I found out what really was wrong.  One of the plugs that connect strand to strand melted.  MELTED!  There was literally a hole melted through the plug!  Visions of dry timber going up in flames in my living room danced in my head.  Needless to say, I unplugged the whole lot.  

It was too late in the day at that point to try to fix it, and I was too busy on Tuesday.  Wednesday afternoon I went to work re-illuminating my tree.  I discovered that when the plug melted (MELTED!) the heat actually warped the set to which it was connected.  I was hoping to just leave the bad set on the tree unplugged and add a set on top of it.  With two sets bad, though, that was not possible.  I trekked to the hardware store, bought two new sets and proceeded to un-decorate my tree.

That is right.  I had to remove the ornaments, garland and lights from the bottom two-thirds of my tree.  I cannot say that I was in the most joyous of holiday moods at that point when on Wednesday afternoon my previously festive and tidy apartment was covered in ornaments and pine needles.  I also made the poor choice of taking on this project when I was feeling impatient.  Let me tell you, even in the best of circumstances it would have taken the patience of Job (or whoever it is in The Bible that was known for patience) to not get frustrated.  There was a very unfortunate moment when I broke an ornament and told the tree that I hated it.  The cat went and hid in the bathroom.  It was not the highlight of my holiday season.

Still, I re-lit and redecorated the tree.  When I was finished, I stepped back to admire my handiwork.  In the process, I knocked my Internet modem onto the floor and accidentally stepped on it.  When I picked it up an shook it, it made a distinctly maraca-like sound.  

Damn you Thomas Edison and every piece of electric-powered technology created since!

OK-K

Don't panic.  I am back.  Did you miss me?  Were you worried that I was trapped under something heavy?  Well, I kind of was.  I was trapped under Thanksgiving.  I have been spending time with family, eating lots of carbs (but no tofurky) and doing holiday shopping and decorating.  I am so full of holiday cheer, I am overflowing.

In my haze of holiday merry making, I am embarrassed to admit that I neglected to officially celebrate one celebriday--Britney's birthday.  Britney Spears turned 27 yesterday.  It was difficult to not be aware of Britney's b-day given the much-touted performance on GMA (Lip synching?  Really?) and the copious infotainment stories.

This post isn't about Britney, though.  It is about K-Fed.  Yet again, Kevin Federline has surprised me.  Last week I blogged about Britney's Rolling Stone interview in which she basically threw Kevin under the bus.  He left her, he is swearing around the kids, etc.  (Side-note: I don't think that it is a coincidence that her initials are B.S.)  K-Fed has a cover story in People magazine this week.  This was his chance to be center stage and throw all the blame back on Britney, his time to sling the mud.

In a show of--and I didn't ever think that I would use this word in relation to K-Fed--class, Kevin Federline was the bigger person and was largely gracious about his ex-wife.  Yes, the guy does get $20,000 a month (a month!) in child support.  Still, that does not mean that he has to say that she is a great mom and wish her well.  I think that K-Fed is alls growed up.  Yet again, I think that Britney could learn something from her ex.

In other K-news of the less classy variety, Kid Rock is blasting a judge for not allowing him to do the community service that he wants to do.  First of all, let's back up.  Do we all remember why Kid has to do community service in the first place?  Yeah.  That would be because of his waffle house brawl several months ago.  (Seriously, a waffle house?  What is there to fight about at a waffle house?)  Apparently Kid wants to fulfill his sentence by singing for troops in Iraq.  The judge will not accept that giving the argument that Kid would do that anyway.

Personally I think that Kid should have to serve waffles for his punishment.  The hair net may actually be an improvement.