Britnesia

The holidays are nearly upon us, and do you know who is back? (No, I am not talking about the holiday tourists again.) In the immortal words of the woman herself, "It's Britney, bitch." On Dec. 02 the new, improved Britney Spears comes out with her new album Circus. Dec. 02 also happens to be her 27th birthday. Is it just me, or doesn't it feel like we have been hearing about Britney for much longer than 27 years? I think that all of the intense minute-by-minute media scrutiny of the past 12 months just made her time in the spotlight seem so much longer. It is like dog years. Britney years.

Anyway. Part of the comeback is the Rolling Stone cover story on newsstands now. I saw an interview with the journalist who wrote the story. Part of the conditions of the interview was that the journalist could not ask any questions about the past year.

Pause.

Um, what else is there to talk about? There is only so much that can be said about an album that has yet to be released save for the Womanizer song and video--which, I have to say, I don't love. It is kind of catchy but way too repetitive. Let me see if I understand. The man that she is singing about is a womanizer? Is that it? Let me listen again. Well, yes, she does repeat the word "womanizer" roughly 200 times during the song. I guess that it is Britney's "man done me wrong" song. It is no Oops, I Did It Again (currently in rotation on my iPod), I will say that. Give me a little Beyonce Sasha Fierce instead--but I digress . . . .

In the interview Britney does talk about her ex, Sean Federline. I think that it is fair to say that at the beginning of the relationship no one would have thought that K-Fed would emerge as that stable spouse and parent. That does in fact seem to be the case, though. However, Britney is trying to spin it a little differently. Brit tells that RS journalist "I didn't think that my husband was going to leave me."

Huh? Don't we all remember the fact that Britney left Kevin? It was well-publicized. Besides, it doesn't even make sense the K-Fed would leave her. She was the meal-ticket. Any woman who can take an entire year to go off the rails spending buckets of money and still be worth a mint clearly has more bank than and ex-back up dancer and failed rapper. Kevin leave Britney? I think not.

Britney goes on to criticize Kevin's parental skills--Kevin, who, let's remember, a court determined was a better parent than Britney. She says that her boys, Sean P. and Jayden James are starting to say words like "stupid" and that "Preston says the f-word now sometimes". Brit says that the boys "must get it from their daddy" because she doesn't say those kinds of words around her children.

Yeah. Well, someone needs to replay the video of Britney in her SUV, boys strapped in and crying in the back, as she screams and curses at the paparazzi. I think that Preston might have picked up the f-word in one of those incidents.

I respect the fact that Britney--who, though I am no doctor nor do I play one on TV, I personally believe was suffering from a wicked case of postpartum depression after giving birth to two children in the span of something like 20 months--has pulled her life back together. She is working again, has stopped her public tirades, has her father overseeing her affairs (though I don't know how much that is her choice as it is a court order) and is trying to be a mother to her children. Still, does she think that we are suffering from Britnesia, that we have forgotten the last Britney year entirely? Not so much. In order to get past it, Britney first needs to own it.

The first step is admitting that you have a problem, Britney.

Kid Stuff

Over the past several years there have been numerous news stories on the obesity crisis in the US.  Children are of particular concern because the habits that they develop now will determine the health risks that they face later, sometimes not much later.  There are so many sugary cereals, sweet drinks and candies masquerading as food targeted at kids that I am sure that it is challenging for parents these days.

The answer--as it is for adults--is to ensure that kids are eating healthier food in smaller portions and getting exercise.  (I know; easier said than done.  I--and my thighs--hear you.)  I saw something the other day that makes me think that we are approaching this getting more exercise for kids thing the wrong way, though.

Are you all aware that there is now exercise equipment specifically for children?  That's right.  Here are some things that I can pretty much guarantee that little Hunter or Madison do not have on their Christmas lists this year: the Fisher Price Smart Cycle stationary bike (retail $89.97), the Kid First Fitness Treadmill (retail $109.95) and the Fitness Fun Glide-a-Stride elliptical trainer (retail $119.99). 

What?!  The only thing that looks even remotely fun is the Folding Trampoline with Safety Pad.  Still, it retails for $99.95.  Apparently the goal is to break the parental bank while making kids hate activity.  I am not one of those people who think that everything that was done when I was a kid is better than what we do today.  I mean, when I was a child, people didn't use seat belts and smoking around kids was totally fine.  However, the way that my mother ensured that I got some exercise was to shove me outside and tell me to go play until dinner.  Because every other mother on the block did the same thing with their kids, it worked out pretty well.

I understand that we live in different times.  There are safety issues that my mother never had to worry about.  Still, there must be a better way than this.  I am not a parent, but, really, do we all think that the way to teach kids to love activity is to stick them on a stationary bike and tell them to peddle to nowhere?  Ug.

On a total non-sequitur side-note, Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz had their first child--Bronx Mowgli.  They are carrying on the stupid children's names tradition by naming their first born after a Borough and a Disney character.  Really?  Do they hate this kid?  Of course, if little Bronx ends up playing with Brooklyn (Posh and Becks boy) or Kingston and Zuma (Gwen and Gavin's sons), it will all come out in the wash.  Still, I don't think that celebrities get points for creativity when naming their children.

I am just saying.

Crimes Against Nature and Other Holiday Traditions

Let me start out by coming out of the food closet (isn't that the pantry?) and reveal to anyone who doesn't already know that I am a vegetarian.  I am not out to convert anyone.  I just tell you because it does color how I feel about Turkey Day--or, as I think of it, Carb Day.  In my family--carnivores all--they are never quite sure what to do with me.  I haven't eaten meat of any kind--yes, that does include pork and fish--for over 18 years.  Still, they worry that there will not be enough for me to eat on Thanksgiving.

At the BettyBeeBuzz family holiday table, meat--very often more than one variety of meat--takes center stage.  Because mine is a family of cooks, I definitely do not go hungry, though.  There are mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, sometimes baked potatoes, baked noodles, sometimes lasagna, baked beans and often perogies to keep me happy, not to mention the numerous "vegetable" casseroles that involve at least three of the following ingredients: canned or frozen vegetables, canned soup, butter, cracker crumbs, cereal and/or fried onions.  By that list, can you tell that I grew up in the suburbs?

I am not knocking it.  I myself often make my mother's vegetable casserole for the holidays.  (My three out of the list above: frozen veggies, butter and cracker crumbs.  I get extra points for the processed cheese required, though.)  Delicious, yes. Healthy, no.  That is fine, though.  The holidays only come once a year.

I am quite happy to go into my carb-induced haze because heaven knows that I do not want tofurky.  For those of you who have not heard of this, it is a tofu version of turkey.  I have one question: why?  I like tofu.  It is great in a lot of dishes.  However, I don't want a big lump of it shaped like a dead bird on my holiday table.  No gracias.

What is even worse is that I have recently discovered that there is something called tofurducken.  This is modeled on what I think to be a crime against nature in and of itself, turkucken.  What is that you ask?  That would be a chicken stuffed inside a duck stuffed inside a turkey.  People who I know who have eaten this monstrosity say that it is delicious.  (I have no idea how you are supposed to carve something like that.  Wouldn't you just keep hitting on smaller and smaller bones?)  Someone I used to work with is from New Orleans, and he sent around a link to his hometown butcher's web site (yes, the butcher has a web site) so that we could read about the local specialty--deep fried turducken.  Good Lord.  What kind of sick bastard came up with that?  There are several web sites that sell a version of this deep fried poultry extravaganza, many with add ons of bacon or seafood--you know, in case you need more protein but are just a little worn out by all of the poultry.

Even if I wasn't a vegetarian, I would not want anything to do with the turducken--and I definitely don't want anything to do with the tofurducken.  I saw a recipe on the web for tofurducken that essentially had the following steps:

• Buy all of the tofu at all of your local grocery stores.  You are going to need it.
• Take one lump of tofu and mold it into the shape of a chicken.
• Take a larger lump of tofu and mold it into the shape of a duck.
• Hollow out some space in the tofu-duck, and stuff in the tofu-chicken.
• Take a whole heap of tofu and mold it into the shape of a turkey. 
• Hollow some space out of the tofu-turkey, and stuff in the tofu-ducken.
• For extra flavor (or the illusion of extra flavor), shape some tofu into strips of tofu-bacon and lay across the top of the tofurducken.
• Bake and enjoy.

Are you nauseous yet?  Ug.  The crazies who come up with things like this are the kind of people who give the rest of us herbivores a bad name.  Please pass the potatoes and the green bean casserole.

Tomkat Must Be So Proud

I am trying to decide how I feel about a news story that I read today.  OK, first of all, I am playing fast and loose with the word "news".  Here's the deal: Suri Cruise, mop-top offspring of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, was number one on Forbes.com's list of "Hottest Tots".

If you are looking at your own adorable children and wondering how little Susie or Bobby did not make the cut, blame yourself because you are just not famous enough.  Forbes looked at a year's worth of press clippings and web presence as well as the public's awareness of the child and the consumer appeal rankings of the parents (see, I told you it was your fault) to determine the top tot.  

Now really, how much time have you spent this past year working on your child's web presence?  Mmmmm-hmmmm.  That is what I thought.  Parent blame thy self. 

Anyway, at least Suri is an only child.  She, Sam Woods (cub of Tiger) and Matilda Ledger (daughter of Heath and Michelle) are the only singletons on the list.  Everyone else has siblings, and not all of the siblings made the list.  Only three out of the six Jolie-Pitt brood and one out of two of Britney Spears sons made the cut.  That must be awkward.  How do you explain to the other kids that they were not popular enough?  These kids should have to wait until high school before they deal with this kind of pettiness like the rest of us.

The kid who should be really mad is Maddox Jolie-Pitt.  He was the first of Brad and Angie's Bennetton family, and he has been totally overlooked.  Shiloh is number two, Zahara is number three and Pax is number four on the list.  The twins didn't make it, but they were not even in existence for the entire year.  Wow.  If Maddox is smart, he will totally leverage this slight to clean up this holiday season.  Somebody may have a pony under the tree!

Rounding out the list is Cruz Beckman (son of David and Posh), David Banda (son of Madonna and Guy), Sean Preston Federline (son of Britney and K-Fed) and Sam Sheen (daughter of Charlie and Denise).

What I am wondering is what the competition will look like between all of the Hollywood kids until next year's list comes out.  Will there be a throw down between Suri and Sunday Rose Kidman Urban (daughter of Tom Cruise's ex-wife--and Botox casualty--Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban) for the title?  Will Maddox stage a coup?  (He will really be ticked if Vivian and Knox make the list next year and he doesn't.)  Will Jayden James lock Sean P. in the basement to negatively impact his web presence?  Things could get ugly. 

Celebrity, Why Have Thou Foresaken Us?

I am 100% positive that you are all aware that we are in an economic downturn.  (Economic death spiral, really, but I am trying to keep it light and positive.)  There are endless articles and news stories about lost jobs, home foreclosures and the erratic stock market.  There is another type of downturn going on out there, though, and I have not seen any news stories about it.  I am talking about the deficit of good celebrity news.

Scanning the web, here is what I can find:

• Sasha Baron Cohen crashed the set of Medium.
• Jessica Simpson says that sister Ashlee is ready for her baby.
• John and Jen (Mayer and Aniston, of course) had a date night.
• Nicole Kidman wants more children.

My response?

• Don't care.
• Of course she's ready; she's eight+ months pregnant.  Duh.
• Don't care.
• No kidding--and don't care.

This is pathetic.  This is the best that they have got?  I don't know about you, but during difficult times, I want celebrities to be more crazy not less.  

Is no one going into rehab?  Is no one getting divorced?  Britney seems to be stable.  Madonna and A-Rod are nowhere to be found.  Even the Girls Next Door have been quiet since the news of Kendra's impending nuptials.   [See my 11/07/08 post Someone is Going to Have to Explain This to Me if you want more information about that last one.]  

Don't get me wrong.  I am glad that everyone is doing well.  The mess that has been Britney Spears life for the past two years has been truly sad to witness (you know, via Us Weekly and Access Hollywood, the same way the rest of you celebrity voyeurs "witnessed it").  It is a shame that Madonna's marriage is ending, especially since there are two children involved.  I am happy--nay thrilled--to see that Paris Hilton is no where to be seen in the entertainment pages.

Still . . . nothing?  Nothing at all?  I think that some of the advice that the money guys are doling out on TV could apply here.  Just as now is a great time to scoop up stocks at a low price (assuming that you know which ones to buy), now is the perfect time for a lesser-know B-lister or C-lister to take the headlines.  

So, come on, CW TV "stars" and former American Idols!  Now could be your time!  Grab the spotlight!  Do something crazy--and for heaven's sake, get my mind off of the economy.

Take a Pause Before Claus

This morning on the front page of the New York Times Sunday Style section there is an article titled "Excuse Me, Where's Thanksgiving?".  Upon further reading I found that the article is about a Christmas store in Michigan that sells things like ornaments that depict a Santa wearing camouflage, holding a shotgun and a dead mallard.  I knew that grandma got run over by a reindeer, but I don't remember anything about Santa shooting a duck.  That is so horrifying that I will not be commenting further, but the article did get me to thinking.  What has happened to Thanksgiving?  Over the years it seems to have gotten lost in the push to start the holiday season--and the holiday shopping season--earlier and earlier.

Let me be clear right now.  I am a Yuleophile.  (Yes, I did make up that word.  In my lexicon, it means "one who loves Christmas".)  I love everything about Christmas.  (Well, almost everything.)  I start getting excited around the end of September because the holidays will soon be upon us.  On my iPhone I have the application that tells me that as of right now, it is 39 days until Christmas.  Still, by spending months anticipating one holiday, another, equally important holiday can get overlooked.

There is so much to love about the time right after Halloween through Thanksgiving.  It is one of the most beautiful seasons of the year, at least here in the Northeast.  (All of you who live in CA, FL and the other mono-season states seem to have made peace with the fact that you don't get to see the gorgeous changing leaves.)  The Green Markets are full of squash and parsnips and all of those other not so attractive but oh so tasty root vegetables.  Most importantly, there is a sense of calm before the madness of the holidays--or at least there can be if we let it.

I understand that retailers need to start building their Holiday Shops and that cities and businesses need to start putting up the holiday decorations pre-Thanksgiving.  Those are major projects, and, in this economy in particular, they need to be ready to hit the ground running for what should be their most profitable time of the year.  Like it or not, a good holiday season means the difference between making sales plans and bonuses for the year and having to rework the whole budget to make up for that missing revenue.  

That doesn't mean that the rest of us have to get into the act.  My father, who lives in suburban PA, told me that people in the town where I grew up already have their Christmas lights up and turned on.  Some houses have even been decorated--blow-up snowmen and all--since Halloween!  Is that really necessary?

[On a side note, since we are on the subject, let me just say that the something that is never ever necessary are those illuminated hard plastic lawn decorations, particularly not the religious ones.  Regardless of your religious affiliations, your beliefs or non-beliefs, can we all just agree on principal here the the son of God was never meant to be immortalized in glowing plastic on someone's lawn?  But I digress . . . .]

Thanksgiving is about, well, being thankful.  I think that we all get that; I just don't know that we all do it.  If we are conscious of it, it can mean being grateful that prior to all of the consumer craziness into which we are about to be plunged, we can enjoy this time of year for what it is--and, yes, to reflect on those people and things in our lives that do make us thankful.  I am going to try to keep that in mind for the next 11 days until Thanksgiving.

Not a Ghost of a Chance That I Will Miss It

I am a fan of the TV show Ghost Whisperer.  

I realize that in making this admission, I am not putting myself into the category of the uber-hip.  I know that the cool kids are not watching the Whisperer.  I don't care, though, and I refuse apologize for my fan-dom.

I didn't set out to become a fan of the show.  A couple of TV seasons ago I was working on a painting project at home that was taking way longer than intended.  I had the TV on in the background, and Ghost Whisperer came on.  It was one of the last few shows of that season, so there was a lot of suspense and intrigue leading up to the season-ending cliffhanger.  I totally got sucked in.

It is not that I believe in ghosts or think that the show is plausible.  I am not touting it as some of the best acting on TV.  (For that, tune into Mad Med, Entourage, Weeds or Big Love.  Love them.)  I think that part of it is that the star of the show, Jennifer Love Hewitt, seems so likable.  Again, I know.  Not the coolest actor going.  Again, I don't care.  I think of her as the Anne Hathaway of television.  There is something relatable about J. Love.  She seems like someone who would be fun to have in a book club or around on game night.  

Sure, there are hipper people out there.  I love Pink as well, for example, but I really don't feel like Pink and I would be hanging out at any point.  What would we do?  Race dirt bikes?  Get into bar fights together?  Not so much.  I am so not that gal.  I could totally do afternoon tea with J. Love, though.

I should probably make it clear at this point that I am not delusional.  I don't expect to meet Pink or JLH (or Anne Hathaway or any other celebrity for that matter) and become BFFs.  I suppose that I am just trying to get to the root of my Whisperer loyalty.  Of course, there is no need to do that.  I am not alone.  On Facebook, there are over 74,000 Ghost Whisperer fans.  (Yes, I have become a GW fan on FB.  I never claimed to be trying to make myself look cool here.)

Anyway, the plot of the show is taking a big twist.  J. Love's husband on the show is now a ghost.  Intriguing?  Lame?  You will just have to tune in to find out.

Greetings From the New York Office of Tourism!

I noticed in the paper that Lord and Taylor will be unveiling their holiday windows tonight.  With all of the decorations going up around town and the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade only two weeks away, we are officially entering the holiday season.  

That means that someone is coming to town.  No, not Santa Claus.  (OK, for those of you who are still holding out hope, in addition to Santa Claus.)  Tourists.  We in Manhattan are also officially entering the holiday tourist season.  I was thinking, if I were in charge of the Office of Tourism in NY, I would ensure that a mail drop of tourist tips and helpful hints went out to every hotel room and youth hostel in the city.  My letter would look a little something like this:

Dear Holiday Tourist:

Season's Greetings!  Welcome to New York City during what is truly one of the most wonderful times of the year.  In an effort to help make your time in our beautiful city more pleasant for everyone, here are some helpful hints for a pleasant stay:

Getting Around

There are many exciting sights to see in New York City, no more so than during the holidays.  When you are walking down Fifth Avenue or through Times Square, keep in mind that not everyone around you is ambling along to see those sights.  Some locals are trying to get to work or fight the crowds to do their holiday shopping.  Please do not suddenly stop in the middle of the sidewalk or walk at a snail's pace while trying to read your Fodor's Guide. Walk on the right with the pace of the crowd, and step to the side when you need to stop. Otherwise, wear football padding and earplugs because people will run into you and yell wishes in your direction that are not so holly-jolly in nature!  Ho, ho, ho!

The subway is one of the easiest ways to get around. When riding the subway, think back to your high school science class.  Remember inertia?  Bodies in motion stay in motion; bodies at rest stay at rest?  That means that if you are standing, you should hold on to something.  For most locals, it is not their most treasured holiday wish to have a tourist with all of his/her shopping bags fly into their laps!  Keep in mind, though, that while you need to hold on, you do not need to hold on for dear life.  This is not a roller coaster, and flailing around as if it is surely is not necessary. 

Picture Taking

You, of course, will want to document your exciting trip with photos. Asking a local to take a photo of you and your friends and family is acceptable.  Please just do not do it in a place where you will be blocking everyone else.  (See "Walking" above for additional information.)  

It is, of course, tempting to try to capture the spectacular buildings and fabulous lights in photos.  In order to do that, buy post cards.  Keep in mind: the buildings are always tall, the lights are always bright and none of it photographs well. Standing in the middle of Time's Square with your digital camera taking a picture looking straight up into the air is not going to give you a great shot.  Post cards.  Sometimes for as little as 10 for $1.50. Really. Just do it.

Personal Safety and Security

Yes, unfortunately, there is crime in NY.  In most cases, if you use basic caution and keep your purse zipped and with you at all times or your wallet secure in your front pocket, you will be fine. Walking around clutching your shopping bags to you as if you think that you will be attacked and robbed at any given moment is not necessary.  No one wants the 12 "I Love NY" tee-shirts that you bought for $10.  However, if you hang your open purse on the back of your chair in a busy coffee shop, don't be surprised if some Grinch takes your wallet as if it was a gift in a stocking!

Again, for the most part, if you stay in the most populous, well-lit parts of the city during reasonable hours, you will not have issues. Sitting on the subway with a look of abject terror as if everyone around you is a possible murderer doesn't really exude holiday spirit, now does it?  (If, however, you and your companions choose to sit dispersed throughout the subway car and yell to each other about how much you want to go to TKTS to get Chicago tickets, you will make your fellow passengers want to bludgeon your with your Macy's bags.  Fair warning.)

Christmas Windows

The Christmas windows at retailers throughout the city are one of the top attractions for tourists and locals alike.  Please do not use your child as a "Get to the Front of the Line First" pass.  Just because someone with you is under four feet tall or not of driving age does not mean that you get to go first, can push through the crowd to be directly in front of the window or linger in front of the display with your child who is not paying attention until little Jimmy or Sally finally perks up.  [As a note: this rule applies to locals as well.]

Enjoy your stay here in Manhattan, and have a joyous holiday season!

Sincerely,

The Office of New York Tourism Elves

Things would be so different if I ran the world.  Happy Start of the Holidays!

I'm Sorry, I Can't Hear You Over the Jackhammering

Living in New York for the past several years there is one blanket observation that I can make: there is always construction work of some kind being done somewhere.  It is hard to walk anywhere in the city without encountering scaffolding at some point.  Recently I have even had the disquieting experience--on two separate occasions, mind you--of walking down the street and finding that a building that was there the last time I walked past is now completely gone. Vanished. It is like having the ultimate "wait, where are my keys" moment.

In the past few months, the construction work has come home to roost--specifically to my roost. The building owner is having work done both outside and inside of the 20-story building in which I live.  There is a law that requires that building owners ensure that any loose exterior bricks, moldings, concrete, etc. be fixed and secured.  You know, so no one is killed by the falling debris.  Well, apparently the owner of my building let maintenance on that go a little bit, so now there are men on those window-washer pulley contraptions scaling the side of my building on a daily basis.  What that means is that sometimes I look up from working on my computer to see a man hovering outside of my kitchen window.  

Did I mention that I live on the tenth floor?  Yeah.  It is a little weird.  While I have curtains on my living room window, I don't have any on my kitchen window--because, you know--I live ten stories in the air.  Most people would need a telescope to be a peeping Tom here.  Not now.  To their credit, the workmen outside my window tend to be discrete.  Really, there is not much exciting going on in my apartment to leer at anyway.  Still, I appreciate the respectful attitude.

Yesterday the work inside the building started, on my floor at least.  There was a notice posted by building management that the hallways were going to be repainted.  I actually did a small dance of joy when I read that.  Don't get me wrong.  Walking in my hallway with the current color--which I describe as "dirty apricot"--has been great.  I am all about a little "eggshell white", though.

I heard the workman in the hall yesterday and figured that they were prepping for painting.  I was a little surprised when I opened the door to go run an errand to find that one of the painters was trying to hermetically seal my apartment shut with tape.  He was not just taping around the door frame.  He was actually taping the door to the door frame.  He nearly fell into my apartment when I opened the door.  I wasn't really sure what that was all about until I got back home.  

First of all, I had to get back into my apartment which, upon my departure, he did finish sealing shut. Um, excuse me?  Did he think that I was never coming back?  When I stepped out of the elevator the workmen didn't even look at me better yet help me unseal the door.

When I did finally get into the apartment, my cat was sitting there starring at the door with a look of what I would describe as perplexed terror.  My cat is pretty laid back.  She doesn't scamper away at every noise.  This is an animal that can spend a good 18 hours a day asleep, so I was a little surprised to see her so awake and alert--that is, until the jackhammering started.  

Yes, I did say jackhammering.  I thought that painting would involve some drop cloths, some spackle and some paint.  Well, it does, but yesterday it also involved several hours of workers using jackhammer-like tools to remove the wire covers that house--I don't know--cable wires?--electrical wires?--from the hallway walls.  That's when I realized that the taping around the door was to prevent the copious amounts of dust (generated by the aforementioned jackhammering) from getting into the apartments.  How considerate of them to try to preserve cleanliness while causing hearing loss for both me and my cat.

This morning when I walked into my hallway I have the still "dirty apricot" walls as well as the now-exposed wires hanging around the ceiling.  I can hear the workmen out there again.  They seem to be using smaller power tools this morning.  I am wondering when they are going to start using the sublimely silent paint brush.  Whatever they are doing, they are going to need to let me out of my apartment later for a Starbucks run this afternoon.  If worse comes to worse, maybe I can climb out of my apartment window and hitch a ride down with that crew.

Home improvement my ass.

The Naked, Featherless Bird Flys Solo

I have been waiting for this.  I know that it is a case of schadenfreude.  I know that it is not "big of me" to be happy about this, and I am willing to own that.  Nearly two years after it began, the love affair between Marilyn Manson and Evan Rachel Wood is over.  The naked, featherless bird flys alone.  

What is that about you ask?  Pre-blog I sent e-mails like my blog entries out to friends.  Last year I sent a couple out in regards to the MM/ERW relationship.  At the time MM was coming off of his marriage with burlesque star Dita Von Tesse.  In an article published on 5/18/07 by the Associated Press, MM said that he was devastated by the end of his marriage.  According to Manson, "I came out of this naked, a featherless bird."  I think that sentiment has personal meaning for all of us, so I will let you take from it what you will.  (To help provide additional context, I am putting the text of my '07 MM/ERW e-mails at the end of this entry.) 

Anywho . . . . apparently Evan says that she loves and respects MM as a person and as an artist. (Well, who doesn't really?)  She is distraught by the fact that there are all kind of rumors swirling around their breakup when really they just decided to take some "time apart" to "concentrate on work".  And they are never getting back together.  Ever.

Mmmmmmm.  Yes.  Well.  I am going to be watching to see if 1) MM finds another teen starlet to replace ERW who is a bit past her sell-by date now that she is nearly old enough to drink and 2) if ERW is going to stops dressing like a young Dita Von Tesse.  I kind of feel bad for ERW's next boyfriend.  How can he compare, really?

What I am really wondering is if MM is feeling both naked and featherless again.  I hope not, because that could really ruin his holidays.

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"Boys Who Look Like Girls Who Look Like Burlesque Stars"--05/21/07

 A few thoughts here:

1) I think that I would like to be able to put "Glitzy Goth Rocker" on my resume at some point.  That has a "wow" factor that you just don't get from "Project Manager of Blah Blah Blah".

2) He says he has no soul left.  I thought that the Christian right has said the he never had a soul in the first place.  Who am I to believe?

3) Dita "tolerated" his lifestyle hoping that he would change.  What part exactly was she hoping would change?  The makeup?  The weird mismatched contact lenses?  The obsession with death?  The leather-based Gothic wardrobe?  My advise to Dita: Pick your battles, girl!  This wasn't just a minor remodel project you took on.  This was a full-on demotion and rebuild.  No good can come of that.

4) Soulless, featherless bird.  I am guessing that he is not going to put that in his 2007 Christmas letter to family and friends.

5) He was really impressed when his new 19-year old girlfriend said that she would die for him.  That will definitely go into this years holiday missive next to the picture of Marilyn and Evan in matching sweaters next to a dead tree.

6) "Boys in makeup are the greatest thing ever . . . . "  Translation: I am really, really young and will be mortified in ten years when I realize that I have committed this ridiculous statement to the public record.

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"Mom, Dad, Meet the Naked, Featherless Bird"--6/12/07

We all, at some point, have had to introduce a new boyfriend or girlfriend to the parents.  It can bring its share of anxiety.  That, though, has to pale in comparison to Evan Rachel Wood introducing Ma and Pa Wood to her new beau, Marilyn Manson.  Marilyn Manson of the pancake make-up, goth gear, spitting blood stage shows, naked featherless bird post Diva VT break-up, Annie-like "I never wanna grow up" ilk.  That one--so you don't get confused.  Yeah, so ERW introduced her boyfreak, I mean, boyfriend to the folks because they were apparently little upset because--so many reasons--she plays a sexually suggestive role in one of MM's music videos. (Some of the other possible reasons for them to be upset: he is 38, she is 19; since meeting MM their daughter has started to dress like a burlesque star; he creates art work that is actually even creepier than his songs if you can believe that--and so on and so on and so on.)  Monsieur Manson had a drink with the Swiss Family Woods.  He, apparently, wanted to make sure that they didn't think that he is pulling her into his bad behavior.  To that end, MM said of the meeting, "The main thing that needs to be established is that I might share my life with her, but that does not incriminate her in my behavior.  So, if I want to dig a hole and bury my genitals in it, that doesn't mean she dug the hole."

Um, what?!  Me-thinks that did not help to quell their parental fears.

It is Time to Face It

It is now one full week since I started this blog, and BettyBee is buzzing along nicely.  [Let me just take a moment to acknowledge here that, yes, given the blog name there may be some punny references to bees and buzzing and whatnot.  I will try to not be lame about it, but it is going to happen.  Let's just all hold hands and get over that now.]  In addition to setting up my blog last week, I also set up a page on Facebook.  It was a very "Generation Y" day for me.

Here is the thing about Facebook: I have had a few friends asking (hounding) me to get set up on Facebook for a while now.  "Great way to stay connected", "fun to find people that you haven't seen for a while", etc.  I resisted.  I am not exactly 18 any more (or 19, 21, 25 or 30 either).  Would I spend the time looking at it?  Would it be relevant to me?  What is the point?

The point?  Well, now that I have a Facebook page, I can tell you that the point is that Facebook is totally awesome.  I am addicted.  I am talking addiction rivaling my Starbucks addiction addicted.

For those of you who don't know (poor, deprived souls), here is how it works: you set up a page and post as much or as little information as you wish.  There are all sorts of settings so that you can determine the privacy level that you desire.  Then you go searching for friends via name, school, job, etc.  When you find those people, you send them an invitation and "friend" them. The friends on your list post things--personal statuses, comments on other people's statuses, pictures, etc.  

My favorite thing is the status updates.  I am not sure why I love them so much because, frankly, it is not really crucial information.  For example, as I write this blog entry, my Facebook status currently reads "B recommends that everyone check out Bill Maher's documentary 'Religulous'.  It is thought-provoking and hilarious."  OK.  That gives some information.  Another status for me this past week, though, read "B is getting ready to head out into the rain."  Status is just like that.  Sometimes you get kernels of wisdom, and sometimes you get mundane facts.  (I could have done the Forest Gump "life is like a box of chocolates . . ." analogy there, but I didn't. You're welcome.)  

I check my Facebook page every 15 minutes.  I am not kidding.  It is crazy.  Sometimes I will go as long as a few hours--but I can guarantee that during that time, I will have wanted to be checking it every 15 minutes.  The fact that I can access FB via my iPhone just feeds the addiction.  It is like a junkie living in a crack den.  The convenience of it is what kills you.  

The one problem for me is that it is not as if all of my friends are updating things at a rapid pace. Some people update and add things several times a day.  Some people seem to go the better part of a week without even logging on.  (How, I don't know.)  Maybe I just need more interesting or prolific friends.  (No, not really.  I love my friends.  How can I penalize them for having lives that prevent them from spending all of their time on FB?)

I am thinking of at least deleting the application from my iPhone, but I can't bring myself to do it.  I click on to FB and see that at 9:50 one morning a friend in San Francisco is drinking coffee, late on Saturday afternoon a friend in Portland is re-potting her geraniums and one night last week that another friend is making stuffed peppers.  How could I possibly live without this information? How did I live without this information just a week ago??!!  My life will now be split into pre-FB and after-FB.

Facebook, I just can't quit you.

Someone is Going to Have to Explain to Me How This Works

The Girls Next Door are taking another turn.  First Holly Madison, #1 GF of the Hef, broke up with--Hef, the group, I don't know--in Oct.  Now another of TGND, Kendra, is leaving Hef because she is engaged to one of the players on the Philadelphia Eagles football team.  (My guess is that young man got a lot of high-5's from his teammates for this one.)

Someone needs to explain this to me.  Perhaps I am just too "conventional" but I don't understand how she can be living in a four-some with an elderly porn mogul and two other Playmates and be dating--apparently seriously--at the same time.  For one thing, how does she find the time?  For another, when one is part of a harem, how does one decide that she has found the love of her life outside of the group?  How does she then tell that rest of the "relationship"?  I am just not up on harem etiquette.  Finally, did this plural relationship not bother the future groom?  (OK, I get the whole multiple girl fantasy thing.  However, my best guess is that, for most men at least, that fantasy does not also include an old man in a smoking jacket.)

Let me take a moment to calm the fears of all of you worrying how Hef is doing with all of this. Apparently the big man (thanks to Viagra, but I digress) is happy for the couple--and will be walking Kendra down the isle in what Hef describes as "a very special ceremony" at the Playboy mansion. (Let's also note, Kendra's father is still around.  I saw him in an episode of TGND.  No walk down the aisle for him?)  My guess is that in this instance "special" means "circus-like" and "porn-freakish".  Will Holly and Bridget be bridesmaides?  What will they wear/not wear?  So many questions!

How is everyone in this scenario OK with this?  For one thing, I am guessing that the mother of the groom may not be psyched about this on many levels.  "Hi Bernice.  Please meet my future daughter-in-law--and current Girl Next Door--and her former girlfriends and porn Sugar Daddy." Mmmmmmm--no.  Not going to be bringing that up at the next Monday bridge game with the ladies from church.

Hef, I am sure, is fine because he has two 19 year old twins--Karissa and Kristen--living with him now. In a warped way, I think that Holly should feel a little pride in the fact that it took two women to replace her.  (Not a feminist thing to say, I know, but there is not much about this that is actually positive for the sisterhood.)  I worry about Bridget.  (Yes, I am actually seriously concerned for her.  Welcome to me blurring reality with reality TV.)  Hef has brought in newer models.  Bridget is the oldest woman in the group--though does not look it.  She and I are the same age.  I try not to think about that because it makes me feel bad.  Anyway, I just don't know how the hierarchy will break out. 

Damn, I need to get cable.

You Don't Say

So, in In Touch magazine is featuring a story in which Lisa Rinna "confesses" to having a cosmetic procedure.  

Pause.

That is like a woman hobbling around with a giant cast "confessing" that she broke her leg.  It is really pretty obvious.  At this point, to the naked eye it looks like only about 85% of Lisa Rinna is biodegradable.  The cosmetic procedure story is not so much of a revelation.  

I am just saying.

In other news, Madonna is supposed to be orchestrating an on stage reunion between Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake tonight during her concert at Dodger Stadium.  Will Jessica Beale rush the stage for some hair pulling with J. T.'s former gal-pal?  It could be interesting.

I So Don't Think So

So, I am trying the new "Fruit" Stella.  The fact that I cannot really identify the "fruit" on said Stella is not a good sign.  I am guessing apple, but I would not bet the farm on that.  It is dry and chewy in an oats-straight-from-the-feed-bag way.  I soooo don't think so.

In happier news, tonight is the season premier of Law and Order.  While I am more of an L&O SVU fan, I do still like the original.  The fact that what should have been a three episode arc last season when Jessie L. Martin--the bedrock of that show--left was cut to a one episode departure due to the writer's strike left a bad taste in my mouth.  Still, I like the addition of Jeremy Sisto (formerly psycho Billy on my ATF Six Feet Under) and Linus Roache as the new assistant DA. (Besides, who could not like someone names Linus.  Blue blanket anyone?)  I am even optimistic about Anthony Anderson, a late season replacement last year for Martin despite the less than stellar (not to be confused with Stella--which also is less than stellar) things that the NY Times had to say about him today.

OK.  Now I am going to get back to my Stella--which I am still chewing.  I really do need to log on to that Starbucks website to complain.

Stella Needs to Get Her Groove Back

The saga of the Starbucks Stella continues.  [For those of you who are wondering what the heck I am talking about, you will find the pre-blog e-mail message that I sent out last week titled Steeellllaaaahhh! at the end of this entry for context.]  

Last week I asked yet another Barista about the elusive Berry Stella and was told that Starbucks would be coming out with their new seasonal menu on Tuesday--meaning today.  Obviously I had to go in today to investigate.  As for this "new seasonal menu", I found exactly one change in the pastry case.  The artist formerly known as the "Berry" Stella is now the "Seasonal Fruit" Stella.  I am suspicious.  The new Stella is star-shaped like its predecessor, but rather than being topped with deep blue berries, it is topped with some anemic-looking yellow fruit.

Apples?  Pears?  I couldn't tell (and thought that it would be impolite to press my face up against the glass to get a better look).  Pending further investigation I decided to forgo the new Stella and just get my beverage of choice.

When I go home I logged on to the Starbucks website to see what else I could find.  Not only is there no new information, the Stella--"Berry", "Seasonal Fruit" or otherwise--is not even listed in Nutritional Information area.  What is up with that?

The other things not listed on the site?  The new Starbucks Gold cards ($25?  Really?) that are in stores and the new Thanksgiving Blend were missing, too.  Additionally, the Starbucks that I was in today had the Advent calendars out and was using the holiday cups for hot drinks.  Something is wrong here because Starbucks usually "goes holiday" in one fail swoop.  I love coming into the store when it has been "holiday-ified". That means the full deal--cups, decorations, seasonal blends, peppermint hot chocolate on the menu and carols playing on the PA.  I don't want to see the holiday stuff trickle in.  Wow me, Starbucks.  Wow me!

I need to understand what this is about.  Further supply chain issues?  A rogue Barista team just putting stuff out willy-nilly?  I don't understand, but you can be sure, I will find out more!

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Seeellllaaaahhh!--10/29/08

As most of you know, I am a Starbucks fan.  Some may say "addict", but that is impolite, and for that, I chide you.  Every day at some point in the afternoon I like to head out to my local Starbucks for my favorite drink, an iced grande five pump soy chai.  (Yes, I have become 'that person', the one who actually scientifically knows how many pumps of syrup I need to have the perfect beverage.  At least I am not one of those people who can tell you the exact temperature to which their drink should be heated.  That is just weird.)  Occasionally I like a snack with my chai.  Are we all familiar with the Starbucks new "healthy" food options?  There are a number of things like oatmeal, some strange multi-grain dinner roll that they are trying to pass off as a great breakfast option (notice how there are always plenty of those in the case?) and, my personal favorite, the Berry Stella.

"That is intriguing.  What is a Berry Stella?", the uninitiated of you ask?  According to the Starbuck's website it is "Bursting with 100% whole grains plus juicy berries and omega-3's." Mmmmmmm.  Who wouldn't want that?  So yummy.  Last week I went in for my daily constitutional, and there were no Berry Stellas in the case.  "Hmmmm," I thought to myself.  "They must have sold out."  The same thing happened the next day.  I asked my friendly neighborhood Barista "what up?"  He told me that no Stellas came in that day.  The same thing happened the next day--and the next day--and the next day.  What is up with that?!  Starbucks has tempted me with juicy berries and omega-3's (not easy for a fish-denying herbivore like myself to get, might I add), and then they don't deliver--literally??!!  Starbucks seems to be having some distribution issues as evinced by the no Splenda situation of a few months ago, the week of domed-lids only this summer and the unfortunate soy shortage one weekend.  Somebody in the supply chain needs to get on the stick here.

On another note, has everyone seen the new signature Hot Chocolates offered as a seasonal favorite at Starbucks?  I decided to try a tall salted caramel h.c. last week.  Delicious.  Then I went on to the Starbucks website (where, like the shop, I am clearly a regular), and saw the calorie content.  Sweet Mary mother of God!  There is enough sugar and fat in that one tall drink--made with 2% milk and no whip, mind you--to provide life-sustaining calories to an African village for the better part of a week.  It should be delicious!  Yikes.

Finally, though I would like to get through one message without an OT reference, unfortunately I cannot.  I feel like I am being stalked by the Olsen Twins via the media now.  Last night I tucked myself in and decided to read my Vanity Fair magazine before bed.  Right there on page 112 is Ashley Olsen featured in the "My Stuff" column.  This is a regular feature in which various celebrities--and not-so-privacy-loving-twins apparently--list their favorite jeans (vintage), gadget (FAX machine--seriously.  Because apparently it is 1987 for A.)  and shampoo (Kerastase--how very Courtney Cox Arquette of you A.)  Please, someone, make them go away.

On a side note, the most recent In Touch cover has a picture of the aforementioned C.C. Arquette and Jennifer Aniston looking chummy and smiling for the camera with the title "Yes, We Have Had Cosmetic Surgery!".  I am thinking that this may not be a sanctioned article by the Pilates-loving twosome.  I may have to invest the $1.99 ("$1 Less Than People!") to get the scoop.

What's a Girl Next Door to Do?

As many of you are aware, I do not have cable.  I didn't grow up with cable, so I guess that is why I don't feel that it is a big priority.  (Just so you know--no, that does not mean that my family is Amish.)  When TV goes to digital in Feb., I will have to get cable.  I will do rabbit ears, but I draw that line at the converter box.

Anyway, Feb. is just a few short months away, but I am finding myself tempted to get cable now because in approximately two weeks the new season of The Girls Next Door starts on E!  That show just fascinates me.  Three Playmates, one millionaire octogenarian, one bed, one mansion full of other Playmates.  Logistically, how do they make this work?!

The fact that this has worked for them for as long as it has is amazing.  With the break-up of Holly Madison, Hef's #1 girlfriend, and Hef, this is going to be really interesting.  I have so many questions.  First of all, how does one get to be the #1 girlfriend?  With the break-up, that role is now open.  Do Kendra and Bridget fight it out?  (If that is the case, I am totally rooting for Bridget.  If it comes to a physical fight, Kendra will win, though.  She is way more athletic.)  Is it like the Supreme Court in that when the Chief Justice spot is open a total outsider can be appointed?  (Remember John Roberts anyone?)

Secondly, what is the logistical situation in the house?  Holly said that she has moved out to a place of her own but still lives in the house as well.  Really?  The only people who I know who break up and still live together do so because they are in some iron-clad lease and can't afford to go anywhere else.  Of course, aforementioned people don't have a mansion, so maybe that it how it works out.

What about Holly's role as Chief Playmate finder--or whatever she actually is--for Hef?  That seemed to be her plan for when she no longer has the looks or bounce to be a Playmate.  (Proof of my adage that pretty fades, stupid is forever.  Stay in school kids!)

What about new romances?  I can't imagine that Holly will be mad when Hef gets another girlfriend.  She was one of three, after all.  What about Hef's feelings when Holly dates again--which she seems to be doing now.  She went on a date with Criss Angel, that creepy illusionist guy.  Oh!  He has his own reality show, right?  (Well, as much "reality" as you get from an illusionist, I guess.)  What if Holly cedes from TGND and goes to his show?  I am not saying they are that serious--they are keeping it on the DL for now--or as DL as you can keep it when you go on a date in Vegas and kiss in front of the paparazzi.

It is all too much.  Do they post the episodes on the web?  Maybe that is my solution.  I will have to check it out.

In other, parting news, I feel like I am being stalked by the Olsen Twins.  "Stalked" is probably a strong word considering I have never seen them in person and they do not know I exist. However, the OTs are everywhere--GMA, Access Hollywood, Letterman.  There was an ad for their book on the front cover of the NYT Style section last week.  Even when I was in Target--the haven for all that is good--I turned around in the book section to see one of the OTs staring back at me from the cover of Influence, their new book.  (There is one OT on the front cover and one on the back.  I am guessing that it is MK on the front cover, though I have not confirmed.  So pushy, that one.)  Ashley was on the People Magazine website today.  Calgon, take me away!

You Asked For It, You Got It!

I have been sending celebrity updates and the like out to a number of you for a while now. Recently several of you have suggested that I change my medium and start blogging.  (Whether that was because you actually wanted to see me start a blog or because you thought that it may be the only way to stop getting those e-mails from me, I don't know.  I am going to go with the former rather than that latter, though.)

So, here it is.   I am blogging.

(Tick, tock.  Tick, tock.)

Ooooo.  I feel all self-conscious.  

OK.  Shaking it off like a wet dog.

As those of you who know me well--or have met me in passing--or have even just seen me fumbling with a computer, IPhone, IPod, etc.--know, I am not Miss Techno-Wizard.  (I actually do not have any titles that come with a crown/tiara and a sash.  Pobre me.)  What that means is that I will do my best.  I don't promise a lot of bells and whistles.  I do promise to continue to provide the relatively useless info-tainment and opinions that you couldn't get anywhere else.

So, check this out.  Come back and check it out again.  (That is how blogging works, really.  I write stuff, and you seek it out and read it.)  Let me know what you think, and we'll see how it goes.

Later taters, and stay tuned for more!

[For bonus points--do we all remember that ad campaign in the 70's that used the same slogan as the title of this post?]