Dear Me, It's . . . Me?

A friend and I had a conversation about how to manage stress a few weeks ago.  As a follow up, she sent me an e-mail the other day asking me if I ever tried journaling.  I have tried it, and I have hated it.

Don't get me wrong.  I am not saying that no one out there should journal.  Apparently some people do it and find it to be really helpful.  I, on the other hand, just don't get it.  I remember being a kid and getting a diary in my stocking one Christmas.  It was one of those faux leather bound books with "gold" edged sheets and a little tiny lock and key.  It was even embossed with the word "Diary" in more of the faux gold (fauld?), as if I would confuse it for one of the other little books that I had that were secured with tiny locks and keys.

What to write?  First of all, as pre-tween living in Western PA in the late 70's, I didn't really have all that much going on that required either A) deep written examination or B) a lockable repository for my thoughts.  Shirley on Laverne and Shirley--one of my ATF shows (all time favorite--not alcohol, tobacco and firearms for the uninitiated)--was always writing in her diary about Carmine and Boo Boo Kitty.  I wasn't doing a lot of dating at the age of nine, and I didn't have such deep, complex relationships with my stuffed animals that they needed to be committed to paper.  I believe that little green pleather book got relegated to the garage sale box.

When I was in Junior High I had a Language Arts Teacher who assigned us to write in a journal which he then graded.  We were required to write several times a week on assigned topics.  In retrospect I understand that his version of "journaling" was really an exercise to get us to develop our own writing styles.  It was Language Arts after all.  I don't remember what the assigned topics were, but I do remember that I was able to construe them in such a way that I wrote my first three entries on why I hated journaling.  At the first entry, he was amused.  By the second entry, he was less amused but did admire my creativity.  (He said so in him comments--red pen and all.)  By the third entry, he had lost his sense of humor about it and told me to cut it out.

At some point in college I purchased a blank journal on my own.  I am not sure what I was trying to accomplish, but it seemed like a way to sort out my thoughts.  Aren't college students supposed to be all inquisitive, searching for the meaning of things and whatnot?  My biggest problem was that I was never sure how to start.  "Dear Diary"?  (I have already established that didn't work.)  Write the entry to an unknown audience? (Dear God, It's Me, BettyBeeBuzz?)  [Bonus points to those of you who got the Judy Blume reference.]  Just write as if having a conversation with myself?  (Dear Me, It's Me.  How am I?)  It all seemed vaguely ridiculous to me.

Of course, the irony is that I realized when responding to my friend's question about whether I journal or not is that blogging is kind of like journaling.  There is no lock and key (or any pleather that I am aware of), and no one is grading me (though I am sure some of you are judging me).  [Don't deny it.  I know that you are.]  It is not so much an attempt for me to sort out my thoughts as it is a place to capture the random ones.  (Girls Next Door and Benefiber anyone?)  The fact that it is something that I post on-line does at least give the illusion that I have an audience, so it doesn't have quite the navel-gazing quality of journaling.  In the end, I suppose that it is just as vaguely ridiculous as the rest of it, but this I actually enjoy.

A Somewhat Irregular Ad

While I was watching TV today, I took note of a particular commercial.  It starts out with a slim young woman walking around on a plain background.  She is attractive with long blond hair and is wearing a white crop top and a short white skirt.  I wasn't really paying that much attention--just another add for a feminine hygiene product was my guess--until I realized that the ad was for Benefiber.  

Benefiber?  Huh?  Let me get this straight, the whole message of this smiling young woman dancing around on my screen is "I am young, I am pretty, I am fashionable and I am slightly irregular"?  

What is even stranger is that I went on-line to see if I could find the ad so that I could watch it again before I wrote this post.  (I am all about doing the research and getting the facts.)  I couldn't find the crop top/short skirt commercial, but I did find about ten links to another Benefiber ad.  This one features another slim, young, blond woman.  However, she is wearing white pants and--wait for it--a bright green feathered crop top.  Seriously.  It looks like she is being attacked by a muppet.  There is some French music (or at least some woman speaking French) in the background, and our young mademoiselle is cavorting around with a glass of water.  Apparently the main benefit of Benefiber is that when added to water it is clear, not cloudy, like the competitor's brand.  So, does that mean that the message here is "I am young, I am French, I like clear things and I am slightly irregular"?

I understand that the whole point of advertising is to romance a product.  Apparently Benefiber is trying to win over a newer, hipper--though still slightly irregular--audience.  It seems a bit of a stretch.  Funnily enough, a woman who used to live in my building was the "star" of a Metameusil ad.  While she was young (though not barely legal like blond girl), she was not as hip and fashionable in her commercial.  In her ad she was shown struggling to pull a shopping cart filled with broccoli to illustrate the amount of vegetables that one would need to eat to get the same amount of fiber in the (presumably cloudy) Metameusil.  She no longer lives in the building, but she seemed nice when I chatted with her in the elevator.  She had a super cute dog, too.

In an odd twist, she is now "starring" in ad for a fiber pill.  I am not sure if it is made by Metameusil or not.  If not, I wonder if the maker of the fiber pill thought "Wow, she really brought the laxative drink ad to life!  Let's get her to shill our fiber pill!"  I am not an actress, but if I were, I don't think that I would like to be pigeonholed as "The Face of Constipation".  The only thing worse would be becoming known as the "Diva of Incontinence".

The Bee is Back

Soooooo, I haven't been so good about the blogging.  I know, I know.  A friend reminded me at lunch today that there actually are people who read this.  Who knew?  (BTW, hello to my one fan in NC.)

To be honest, I have been a little uninspired as of late.  Bad news is ubiquitous at this point.  The economy is bad, job losses are at an all time high, etc., etc., etc.  I don't need to tell you.  You have seen the reports.  It is just all overwhelming.  I have been trying to limit the amount of news that I watch without becoming completely uninformed.  Instead I have been doing a lot of reading, watching a lot of movies and checking up on the pop culture world.  Here is what I have found:

• Oprah is still kind of crazy.  I admit it.  I watched Best Life Week last week.  Guess what?  We got to all hear--in detail--how Oprah feels about her weight gain, how people around Oprah feel about her weight gain and how total strangers feel about Oprah's weight gain.  (To add my two cents, I don't care about Oprah's weight gain.)  We also learned more about Oprah's thyroid condition than I ever cared to know, that Oprah thinks that she can be our spiritual advisor and that Suze Orman thinks that we will all be on our way to financial security if we stop eating in restaurants for one month.  (If that sounds confusing, don't worry, the shows didn't help to clarify.  At least you saved some time by reading the synopsis rather than watching for an hour every day.)  I did not watch the sex-themed show at the end of the week because I was so traumatized by the sex show where Oprah had a middle-aged couple on talking about their sexual dysfunction.  These people have teenage children, and they showed their faces and used their real names.  Those poor kids.
• The Golden Globes actually rewarded the people who deserved to be rewarded this year.  It was great to see the smaller, more independent film Slumdog Millionaire win.  There was an embarrassment of riches to choose from in film this year.  Of course, there was the fashion to review as well.  My Best of the Best?  Kate Winslet looked stunning (STUNNING), and Sandra Bullock's dress was elegant.  My Worst of the Worst?  J. Lo's dress was hideous.  (Shapeless gold lame?  No gracias.)  Eva Mendes's hair was a sloppy rat's nest.  The true Worst of the Worst, though, was Renee Zelwigger with both a terrible dress and terrible hair.  It was truly surprising.  She normally looks so lovely.  Sunday night she looked like she was dragged through a bush backwards on the way to the ceremony.  Renee, don't just fire your stylist.  Shoot her.
• J. Lo isn't wearing her wedding ring.  I haven't heard the full scoop on this one yet.  She arrived at the Globes with her hubby, but that ring was conspicuously absent.
• Brad Pitt and Kate Blanchett are two supernaturally attractive people--as well as two amazingly talented people.  The Curious Case of Benjamin Button was one of my favorite movies in an fantastic season.  What could have been a three hour gimmick was a wonderfully engaging story.

There is more, but if I write about it now, I will not have anything else to blog about this week.  If you like the blog--or even if you don't--please comment.  Let me know what you like and what you don't.  Knowing that there are readers out there can definitely supply inspiration when it is hard to find elsewhere.

The Year that Was . . . What?

As 2008 comes to an end, I was thinking about doing a "Top 8 of 08" entry.  You know, a take off on Barbara Walter's "Ten Most Fascinating People" show and all of those other year-end lists.  Funny thing is, I seem to have developed a bit of 08 amnesia.  When I started to think about who would make my list, I could only think of things that have largely happened in the last three months or so.

What is that about?  Well, for one thing, I spent so much time traveling (that is time spent traveling not time traveling like Back to the Future--you know, just to be clear) for work that whole months do seem to be a bit of a blur.  I can put together a chronology of airports more easily than a run down of cultural events of the year.

Should I go back and research?  If I have to do that, were the people all that impactful?  Should I have been taking notes all along?  Maybe I will do that for 2009.  How to proceed?

Well, let's be honest, I don't think that anyone is really sitting on pins and needles waiting to read who I am going pronounce the most interesting of the year.  No need to pressure myself.  That said, I give you my "Top 8 of 08--As Best As I Can Remember It".

1)  I am not going to go from eight to one to try to build up the suspense.  Besides, my top of the top is the same person who is on everyone else's list--Barak Obama.  I decided to not get political in my blog, but this isn't really about politics.  This is about social change.  I don't need to go through all of the reasons.  You have seen them a hundred times in every other list including Time's Most Fascinating Person of the Year.  In so many ways, Obama took 08.

2)  So, I just said that I am not going to get all political, and I am not.  However, just as Obama was culturally significant, so was Hillary Clinton.  She was a contender, and she is going to be the most influential woman in the US.  It makes me happy beyond words to know that my friends daughters have a smart, successful role model in H-Rod.  If Obama is the man, Hillary is surely the woman.  [Full disclosure, I am a total Clinton Democrat.  I heart Bill, and I love me some H-Rod.  I will, by and large, keep it out of the blog, though.]

3) Now to pseudo-politics: Tina Fey.  Yes, she is on every one's list this year, as well she should be.  Let's be clear, though, I have loved Tina Fey long before her Sarah Palin imitation.  I have seen many celebrities in NY, but she was the only one who, when I saw her on a street corner on the Upper West Side two or three years ago, that I actually wanted to talk to.  (I didn't.  What do you say?  "I think that you are super cool"?  Uh, OK.  "And you are . . . ?")  I loved Tina Fey pre-30 Rock (though I heart 30 Rock).  I loved Tina Fey in the Weekend Update and "Mom Jeans" skit years.  To paraphrase a quote in the New Yorker, Tina Fey is the sex symbol for all men whose lips do not move when they read.  Score one for the smart women.  (Two, really.  See above re: H-Rod.)

4) Britney Spears.  I am not proud of it, but I am constantly fascinated by Britney Spears.  This year she deserves it, though.  To start a year with two forced psychiatric hospitalizations and end it with three MTV awards and a hit album is pretty damn amazing.  Yes, Womanizer is a highly repetitive and annoying song.  Still, it is the choice ring-tone for numberless tweens and college students.  I don't want the little girls in my family and my friends families to want to grow up to be Britney Spears, but I do give her credit for turning things around.  The events of 2007 were truly sad, and I hope that the about face that has started for her this year continues.

5) I know that if I were to say that I am including a male movie star who passed away on this list, many people would assume that I am talking about Heath Ledger.  I am not, though.  I am talking about Paul Newman.  While he was a great actor, the example he set of how to not just be good but to do good is inspiring.  Who knew that salad dressing would lead to change in so many children's lives?  That is a legacy that will live long after his movies are forgotten.

6) Now, a nod to the world of sports.  Joe Paterno has been the head coach at Penn State for the past hundred years or so.  He is a man who has largely worked without a contract, and is one of the lower paid coaches in college football.  Still, at age 82 and having had to coach most of the season from the press booth due to a hip injury, Joe Pa still took his team to the Rose Bowl this year.  He has been unpopular at times for not allowing some talented athletes to play because they were not making the grade in their classes.  Joe Paterno doesn't care about the money and doesn't care about the critics.  He cares about his players and he cares about the game that he plays with so much integrity.

7) In the category of "Not a Person but a Thing"--the IPhone.  I know that the first IPhone didn't come out in 2008, but I got my IPhone this year.  Proof that, yet again, Apple leads the pack.  That is influence.

8) Finally, it is always popular to put a "regular person" on these kinds of lists.  I actually am putting a whole lot of regular people in this spot.  The American People make my list because this was quite a year.  We have weathered (and are continuing to weather) financial storms, have made a sea change in the American political landscape by coming out in droves to vote in Barak Obama, saw scandal (Blagovjevich and Maddoff) and tragedy (Caylee Anthony and the Santa killings in CA being just two of the many) and still kept of ticking.  This has been a tough year, and we have another one coming up.  We voted for hope and change, though, and that means that we stand a chance.  Kudos to us.

Now, let me just mention the people who I refuse to put on this list: Tom Cruise (He made a movie and admitted that he behaved like a loon.  Big deal.); Sarah Palin (The female Bush.  A woman who can't speak intelligently and shoots wildlife from a helicopter is no one's role model.); the pregnant man (We all know how it works.  It is a matter of plumbing.); Eliot Spitzer (You broke my heart Eliot.  Such a huge lack of integrity is shameful.); Oprah (On principle.)

Me vs. the Tree: The Final Intallment (Subtitle--This Time it isn't Even My Tree)

I don't like to brag or anything, but I am now convinced that I have super powers. Not only have I been able to completely suck all of the electricity out of my own tree, I have managed to start impacting one of my father's Christmas trees.

While my Dad often faces Christmas light challenges with the outdoor lights (which has led us to just always refer to them as "those damn icicle lights"), he generally does not have problems with the indoor lights. That is until I came along.

We had the tree on yesterday, and it was doing just fine. We were headed out to dinner, so I went into the living room to turn off the tree--only to find that the top half of it was not lit. Sigh. A sense of familiarity washed over me. Really? Again? Ug.

I will not do a moment by moment account, but getting the tree re-lit involved a search through the tree for the set that went bad, the addition of an extension cord, a trip to Walmart (the Evil Empire) for more lights, removal of select ornaments, reconnection of sets that already worked and the addition of a new set to a fully decorated tree with a fully decorated village below it (and I am talking a major metropoliatan area of a village at that) ending in the re-addition of the previously removed ornaments.

I have a friend who always has issues with phones, and I joke that it is because she has some electromagnetic force that causes reception issues. No joke, I now think that I have some kind of electromagnetic force that is messing with the Christmas lights. Really, why can't I have the power to become invisible or walk through walls instead.

Still, the tree is relit, and we are hoping for the best. Now I just have to help my dad to work on those damn icicle lights that went out on the front of the house.

Further Technical Difficulties (Subtitle: Me vs. the Tree Part Deux--This Time it is Personal)

It is six days until Christmas, and my tree has turned against me.  Perhaps last week when I had issues with the lights on my tree, the tree heard me when I told it that I hated it.  Apparently the tree did hear me, and it does hold a grudge.  

At approximately 1PM this afternoon my tree went completely dark.  All of the lights.  Dark.  Sigh.  I looked at the tree, I looked at the cat (who had a very nervous expression on her face and a plan to run into the bathroom again in her mind) and I surrendered.  I unplugged the tree and gave up.

I am heading out tomorrow for a few days to spend the holiday with my family.  Why the tree couldn't stay lit for another ten hours or so, I don't know.  I feel like this was the trees way of flipping me off.

My plan at this point is to enjoy the holiday with my family including the two--Count 'em!  Two!--illuminated trees.  When I return I will undeck the tree, throw away all of the lights and possibly burn the tree in the laundry room.

Ho, ho, ho.

Allow Me to be Cynical for a Moment

OK.  I know what you are thinking.  For just a moment?  Really?  I hear you.  Let's just move on.

I was sitting in a restaurant for lunch today.  The tables were quite tight, so I was thisclose to the two people sitting at the table next to me.  Our close proximity combined with the fact that I was dining alone made it particularly easy for me to hear my neighbor's conversation.  Mind you, I wasn't trying to listen.  Really, I would have preferred not to hear their discussion because it was like one long therapy session.

I think that therapy is generally a good thing, but there comes a time when some people get a little too steeped in analysis and start speaking in therapy talk.  These two people--Bob and Fran, just to give them some names--kept saying things like "and how did that make you feel". As an example: Fran was talking to Bob about a time in the past year when she apparently did not follow through on some commitment she made to him, and he had called her on it.

Fran: You know, it was right of you to tell me that I was neglecting my responsibility to you, and I appreciated it.  I thank you for giving me the gift of your candor.

Bob: You're welcome.

Fran: I am serious.  I am trying to be more conscious of my actions.  There are some relationships, you know, where friends don't follow through all of the time, and within the comfortable boundaries of those friendships, that is OK.  You let me know that it was not within your comfort boundaries, though.  You honored yourself and our friendship in doing that.  I am grateful.  How does that make you feel?

Bob: Well, I am glad.  I feel that it is important to set the right boundaries and honor them.

OMG.  Every facet of their conversation was like that.  It was exhausting.  I couldn't wait for them to get their check.  I am all for being conscious and honoring our feelings and setting boundaries and all of that, but not every second of the day!  I also think that there is a time to sit down with a friend, order a good dessert and gossip about Tomkat.  That is the gift that I consciously give to me and my friends; it is both comfortable and within our established boundaries.

While we are on the subject of things that I find annoying--and why not?--am I the only one who thinks it is irritating the Scarlett Johansen keeps popping up in more and more movies?  I liked her before she became all 40's-style blond and ubiquitious.  I feel like she is in everything lately, and she always seems to be playing the wise-beyond-her-years or searching-for-enlightenment blond bombshell.  (See The Black Dahlia, Vicky Christina Barcelona and the upcoming He's Just Not That Into You, to name a few, if you don't believe me.)

Speaking of things that keep popping up, what is the deal with Jessica Simpson's breasts?  Am I the only one who noticed--not that I was specifically looking for this, either, mind you--that this woman does not seem to own a crew neck?  I have seen her in a number of magazines lately in both posed and "candid" photos.  It is all cleavage.  There are breasts everywhere.  My thought is that her breasts are her "bright and shiny objects" to distract the person interviewing her from how--um--let me be sensitive and feminist here--intellectually-challenged she is.  I know people say the you have to be smart to play dumb and that the whole Chicken of the Sea incident of a few years ago was all a joke.  Yeah.  I don't think so.

Finally, (my final "moment" if you will--for this blog post, at least) what is up with all of these pirate incidents lately?  There is a news story on CNN.com today about 30 sailors being rescued from pirates.  Is this a delayed post-Pirates of the Caribbean thing?  Have pirates actually been around and we have just not been hearing about them up until the past few months?  It all seems rather suspect to me.  I think that Disney is behind it.

OK.  I am done.  For now.